


Cause I don't want to let go

by Liuli



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, because if i wanted a sad ending id just watch endgame, probably a bit OOC, sorry im kinda new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26584159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liuli/pseuds/Liuli
Summary: “You’re as much a good man as you’re a tough person to love, Tony. You know that”. That’s what his first girlfriend, Hazel, told him the day they broke up. He didn’t blame her, he honestly didn’t. But her words did sting and, yes, he did believe them to be true. Why wouldn’t he? All of his romantic relationships had ended with the other side trying to say the exact same thing. All of them.But he was hopeful in his relationship with Steve.Or,Tony thinks he did something wrong and Steve wants to break up. If he only knew what Steve had been doing the past month he seemed off.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 134





	Cause I don't want to let go

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Hello! 
> 
> This is my first fanfiction ever for these two (altought I've loved them for over five years now lmao) and the first thing I've written in four years and english is not my mother tongue, so I'm begging please bear with me :) I'm really new to this...

Deep down he knew it was bound to happen someday. 

“You’re as much a good man as you’re a tough person to love, Tony. You know that”. That’s what his first girlfriend, Hazel, told him the day they broke up. He didn’t blame her, he honestly didn’t. But her words did sting and, yes, he did believe them to be true. Why wouldn’t he? All of his romantic relationships had ended with the other side trying to say the exact same thing. All of them. 

But he was hopeful in his relationship with Steve. 

The two had met five years ago, their sophomore year, while running around the campus and trying to find a place to stay during a huge thunderstorm, blue ocean eyes staring at his brown ones. They hadn’t exactly hit it off right away. No, it took almost four months for them to stand being in each other's presence without picking a fight, their too different personalities being the reason. When they did start somewhat of a friendship though, Tony would describe as the most excited he had been in over three years. They were always going out together, be it a party or just a study session, it was always the two of them. Even their friends became friends. 

It was seven months after that fateful day when they shared their first kiss. It was one of the group’s so called “movie night”, everyone but the two of them asleep and missing the ending of whatever it was they were watching, he wasn’t paying attention either. Tony was too busy playing with Steve’s fingers to actually watch the tv, his heart beating faster and faster whenever the blonde held his hips a bit tighter with his other hand. It wasn’t unusual for the two boys to lay on that position; Steve laid down and Tony laying with his back on the other’s chest, but the whole finger playing had been a first that night. Especially the moment Steve intertwined them. 

He wasn’t expecting for it to happen when he turned his head and felt Steve lock their lips, so scared all he did was get up and run to the balcony. Of course, the other followed him outside, grabbing him by the arms and pulling Tony against him, once again blue and brown staring deep into one another as if asking for permission. A question both said yes to as the next thing they know they were once again locking their lips. Tony’s hands making a mess out of Steve’s hair while the man could only pull him closer and closer, never having enough of him. It was like time stopped, the young couple being the only thing important enough in the moment. 

He never wanted to let go. 

Time went by, they became an official couple, one so sweet their friends would often get up and leave them alone because “you’re putting me at risk of getting diabetes, I do not need this” which was, admittedly, both funny and enough of an excuse for them to find the closest available bedroom and do what they did best; love each other. The years passed fast, they shared an apartment and Tony wanted nothing more than to live every single one of his days with the blond man, the greatest love of his life, his first thought every morning and night, the one person that made him consider marriage for the first time in his life. He was never, not even one second, unsure of their relationship. Until their fourth year together came by. 

Steve had been distant, sometimes sketchy and suspicious, but the brunette blamed it on his own insecurities and let it aside. For a month, Tony had felt things just weren’t the same. He would nod and smile and pretend and pretend and pretend, until he could fake it no more. Steve was his rock, his light, and the shorter was willing to find out whatever the hell it was the mistake he made so he could fix it and they could go back to normal. It got harder when Steve ditched their third date in a row to answer a call and then making up an excuse about something at campus that he was the only one available to help with. Just like the other two times. 

By the fifth time it happened, Tony nodded and had a full breakdown when he was alone later in their bedroom. 

It was messing with his head; he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t. 

“Tony, are you listening?” 

“Yes! I’m sorry, Brucie. I spaced out for a minute.” 

“Are you alright?” The other scientist asked shooting him a concerned look he often used with him when Tony hadn’t eaten or slept for over a day, a look he’d been using a lot the last few days. “You’re looking more lost in thought than usual...” 

“I just...” Tony knew, deep down, he couldn’t keep lying to himself or his friends, Steve included. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t. “Been worried ‘bout that paper, Coulson is trying to kill us it seems.” It wasn’t an exactly hard lie, he did in fact worry about said paper. Even if it was only for about five hours, before he finished it. He was too proud to admit what was really bothering him. Bruce didn’t seem convinced but nodded his head accepting his excuses all the same which Tony was grateful for, it gave him a reason to leave and go to quieter place where he could be alone and decide what he would do and how he’d have that conversation with Steve. 

In the end, he didn’t actually go to a place where he’d be alone, no. Instead, he went to a coffeeshop with Bucky and Natasha, third wheeling not being exactly his plan but he knew once the redhead had made up her mind, he didn’t have any other choice. 

“If I had known you’d bring me here only to watch you flirt with each other, I wouldn’t have come.” He said only half joking. 

“Yes, you would. What else did you have to do today?” Natasha asked, studying him up and down. She knew something was in his mind, she always did. They’d had known each since high school, she was one of his best and first friends, knew him in a way only a very few people did. Sometimes more than his own parents, more than Steve and more than himself. 

“I had amazing plans of going home and sleeping for five years straight.” He lied, consequently causing Bucky to smirk. 

“Ha! Sure you would, pal. Let’s pretend you wouldn’t be playing that robot thingy of yours.” 

“Hey don’t talk about Dumm-E like that!” Tony half shout back throwing one of the table’s napkin at the other. It was playful banter, of course, Bucky simply loved his invention, ever since he made a lost puppy face at it and Dumm-E sadly beeped back at him, he had decided it was his new best friend. “But seriously guys, I know I lack what you call a healthy sleep schedule and I never actually go to sleep when I say I’m going to bed, but I am really tired. Besides, I gotta wait for Steve because today, my two weird friends, is our anniversary and I have plans for when he gets home in two hours from now”. He saw Bucky and Natasha share a look that could only mean they knew something he didn’t. Neither looked sad or mean, just weary. The same way their entire group looked like whenever Tony would bring Steve up on their conversations. 

“Uh, Tony, did Steve not tell you?” Bucky started soft and carefully, as if to spare the other boy’s feelings “He’s doing a project like right now, it won’t end until maybe 11pm... I don’t think he’ll be home in two hours” 

“But you’re gonna come wait for him with us, I’ve already decided.” He vaguely heard Natasha say. 

He didn’t tell him. And his friends knew he didn’t. Natasha may hide it well, but Bucky didn’t. 

“Tony?” 

They knew Steve did not tell him. 

“Tony are you listening?!” 

And Tony couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Is he cheating on me?” He asked, trying his best to not sound so desperate. Trying not to sound as lost as he felt. 

“What? No, of course not!” 

“Wow, calm down Tony! Let’s go home alright, you can wait for him with us” 

The couple blurted at the same time, as if the thought was absurd to begin with. Maybe it was, but he didn’t know what else to think, what else to do. All he knew was his boyfriend of almost four years had been distant and clearly lying to him. 

“Well, then why is he acting like this? I haven’t really talked or looked at him for a month now and it would be one thing if we lived in different places, but we don’t! I know you know something I don’t so why can’t you just tell me dammit?!” He all but screamed, hoping the tears weren’t soaking his face as he was aware there were other people watching them, his friends denying and trying to comfort him but their words falling deaf to his ears. He was ashamed of himself. Maybe Steve was right to leave him. 

“What? Tony no-” 

But he didn’t listen, didn’t want to. And then Tony did what he was good at, he ran from the situation. 

The brunette didn’t know how many hours he spent walking passing by every spot him and the other man would have done something in the past, but it was enough to know it was close to the time Bucky said Steve would be getting home, and so he went. Cold and scared but still convinced he should talk to his boyfriend, probably soon to be ex. Tony hadn’t felt like this in so long, he had forgotten how much a breaking heart could hurt and he was not, in any way, excited for the ache when the blonde decided to permanently break it. He saw the lights on their place on just by getting close to the building. 

They had been two years into their relationship when they decided to move in together. The search for a place that could both accommodate a place for his inventions and for Steve’s art was not easy, the reason being the taller man’s desire to help with the rent because it didn’t matter if Tony was rich. It wasn’t money Steve fell in love with. They didn’t find a place that big, but they did find an apartment they instantly felt would be their home. The one place they knew the other would always be at. They painted the walls together, build all the rooms together and when they were done, they made love in every single place they could. Because they deserved, as Steve would say while going on his knees for Tony. 

The memories faded as he went up and opened the door, as always, waiting for the worst. 

“No, Bucky. I don’t fucking kno- he's home! Yes, he is right here, I’ll call you all later.” Steve said frantic and fast as he saw his boyfriend close the door, closing the distance between them and holding the shorter man as if he’d disappear in a blink of an eye. Maybe he would, and that thought terrified Steve more than anything ever could. “Oh my God baby, I was so worried. Where were you? Are you okay?” 

‘’We need to talk, Steve.” 

It was like an out of body experience for both of them. For Tony, it was a nightmare situation turn reality. He never, ever, wanted to lose Steve, but at the moment that was the only thing in his mind. His brain had convinced him of that. And he knew it was his fault, he wasn’t good enough and he could not, would not, blame the other for walking out on him. Meanwhile for Steve, it was something he had no control of, because he did not, in fact, know what was happening. He knew his boyfriend, the man he loved so much, he knew his mind played tricks with him, always trying to convince the brunette of the worse. In that moment, the only thing he wanted was to hold him and never let go. Protect him from all the absurd thoughts, from the entire world if needed. 

“What did I do?’’ Anthony blurted, not able to hold back anymore. Voice cracking, body trembling and brown eyes swimming in an ocean of unshed tears. The confusion and shock on the second man’s face not being enough to stop him “I know I did something; I know. But I wan-, Steve I want more than anything, to fix it. I love you more than I ever thought I could and I don’t want to lose that, I don’t want to not be able to hold you, to feel you. So please, Steve, please, let me fix this. I know I can try to. Plea-” 

He felt the ground disappear from his feet as the touch of their lips interrupted him. So desperate and so full of feelings, hands grabbing the other in an attempt to never let go, breathing so fast that made the kiss seem lustful and the beginning of a night of sex. In any other day it could have been, but not now when they were trying to salvage their feelings, not now when their tongues played with one another in the most desperate yet in the most passionate way possible, not now when they were holding each other so in love their chests burned with passion. 

“Don’t ever say something like that again.” The tallest said touching their foreheads, still holding Tony’s hips, and still looking at his face as if his boyfriend was the only thing he could ever see. And it was. “God, I knew keeping this suspense up would mess with your head and I’m so sorry baby, I’m so tone deaf, I can’t believe I let you believe I didn’t want you anymore. I’m so, so sorry!” He took Tony’s hands in his so he could take the shorter with him to another room on their apartment. 

Tony could’ve stopped breathing at the sight of their living room. The place neater than it ever had been, rose petals everywhere in all colors, the table set in a fancy way with candles decorating the entire place. 

“Steve, what...?” 

“This past month I’ve been kind of away had a motive. It was never because I, God forbid, grew tired of you. I could never, Tony, never in a million years.” He said holding the other’s face in his hands, eyes shining so bright one would think he was about to cry. He wasn’t, he was just in love. “You’re the first thing I think of in the morning and it’s not because you’re basically my human alarm clock with your zombie like behavior, never sleeping.” Tony couldn’t help but chuckle at that, tears already running free. “I love you so much, you have no idea how much you actually mean to me. I fell in love with you four months after we met and when, three months later, we actually got together, it was literally one of the best moments of my life. Because it revolves around you, you are my life and I would gladly lay down in the wire for you without thinking twice, there’s close to nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You’re the love of my life, Anthony.” 

Stark did have plans of building a future with Steve, he did think of marrying him, more often than not. But nothing prepared him for the moment Rogers kneeled down in front of him, a blue little box in his hand. 

“I wanted to do this on a special date for us, the most special of my life, our fourth anniversary. I’ve been running every corner of this town to make sure this day would be perfect, that it would be worthy of your time, worthy of you. All the calls I took to make sure they’d get the most beautiful roses, the calls from the jewelry because I wanted you to have a ring as gorgeous as you are. You’re amazing in every single detail, from your eyes to your lips, the most beautiful and special person I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’ve loved you for four years now, but I want all the years possible. Anthony Edward Stark, will you marry me?” 

“Yes! Of course, yes, a thousand times yes!” 

There had never been a share of doubt. It was always Steve for Tony, and it was always Tony for Steve. Whenever, wherever. 

“God, do you have any idea how much I love you?” Tony said in between kisses, both letting the happy tears fall “I’m so sorry I even had a doubt that, I should’ve known better...” 

“You should. You really should.” Rogers said after pulling his now future husband closer, noses touching in affection and blue eyes showing the endearment “But this, your insecurity and all your doubts, is something we’re going to work on together. You and I. We don’t need to marry right away, we can wait until you actually start to see yourself the way I do, the way our friends do. The only thing I want is to see you happy not only with me, but with yourself.” 

“I love you so much.” 

“I love you more and no I do not take constructive criticism” 

They’d spend the night eating, watching movies and kissing passionately. Their friends, who had helped set the house ready, all anxious for everything to work out right and to hear their story, Thor even tearing up when they showed up to give the news on their group chat. Later, Tony and Steve would find their bedroom and be together for the rest of the night, not sleeping until the other day. 

And in that night, they both knew. 

They would always do what they did best. 

And what they did best was loving each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, have a good day/night and remember to drink water!


End file.
